NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
