I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
