My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
