I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
