sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
