He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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