why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
