Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
