He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
