i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
