Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize