Your tits are I can't wait for
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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