ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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