Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
