What a fucking waste of an outfit
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
