Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
