I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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