ya dads aren't the best wingmen
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Randomize
