my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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