took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
