I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
