got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
