the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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