im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
