I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
