just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
