I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
