I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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