I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
