Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
