...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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