He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize