I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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