A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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