Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize