ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
