i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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