he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
