Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
