What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
