It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
