I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
