I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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