Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
