I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
