Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
