It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
being pregnant is like rehab
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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