you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You may now shotgun with the bride
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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