Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
