The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
