I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
