if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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