Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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