its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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