I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
