In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Someone signed my nipple.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
