if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
