Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
