just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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