I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
