my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
