You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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