In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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