I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
