I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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