Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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