I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You are a genius and a whore.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
