I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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