He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
