i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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